Gone are the seconds of yesterday, somewhere in a pile of rubbish with the hopes and dreams of tomorrow. So we are left with today, which sucks because today I'm exhausted, utterly drained of every ounce of motivation, deplete of the willingness to make something, anything happen. so here I exist, making no notable impact on the world around me; using more oxygen than carbon dioxide I produce, which could turn into oxygen if it weren't for the fact that to record these thoughts I killed a tree, oh how selfish of me. Running low on fuel that smells of disappointment of those around me who simply cannot fathom my inability to make an impact. "Do something!" "I tried!" to plant a tree but I broke the shovel, so i finished the hole with my hand only to realize I forgot to bring any seeds. Fuck. So I walked backwards to my front door turned by back then the door knob right only to realize I was wrong. About what? Everything. I can make a difference. My very existence is a miracle, a moment to be remember in the cosmic timeline of existence, an occurrence to be noted in the notebooks of those who record the record. A statement: That I, me, here and now, can and will, change the world, for better or worse, good or evil; that I will bring light to the darkness, sound to the silence, and once and for all prove that I exist, if only once but to be remembered by all!
I must begin as soon as possible, so I choose tomorrow.
And sometimes it's fun to write like a lunatic, like somebody who lost their mind but found their soul buried under a large pile of contradictions; a person who is fed up with the way life used to be and is only interested in today. Somebody who is a blurry photo of their hopes and dreams; and endless story of love, lust, and destruction. Somebody liable to leave town on a whim only to return because they forgot their charger and water bottle. "Forget it," they say after any words they speak that hold any weight. "Don't worry", when they themselves are worried about nothing and everything. About the way they look alone in a room, or the way they think alone in their heads. The future looks promising but they promised not to look. So instead they dance, and move, and shake to every worldly vibration in existence. Somebody who lives by no morals or general code of conduct. Guided only by light and sound in a silent cave, by the screams of the mute and visions of the blind. They forget to remember what they forgot, so instead they speak to those who don't listen and only listen to those who don't speak. They love to be uncomfortable but are uncomfortable by love. So when the day ends and night begins they rest their feet on a pillow and take a loose breath, for it is the darkness of the day that reveals the light of the night and only somebody who is always wrong could ever be right.
I want to be alone with you, in a dark corner of some bar; legs touching, minds melding, thoughts feeding off each other. Red Hot Conversation, electric touch, and brief but intense moments of physical affection. Lost in a world of your wildest dreams, teasing out the thoughts, beliefs, and manifestations that make you who you are.
Silent sexual tension teasing lovers lost but hoping not to be found. Lovely letters let us lose ourselves in love, lust, and everything in between.
But then the realest reality sets in: we could never be friends, let alone be kin.
You broke my heart it broke my back
Your love was fake that's just a trap
The pain was gone but now it's back
Back and forth you wont the match,
They take a pic
you fake a smile.
I'm sure you've been together a while.
Didn't know you were mine
until you weren't
Didn't know that you would mind,
until you didn't
All these people
like to fuck
got good nutrition.
Are you here for a good time, or a long time?
How much of one are you willing to sacrifice for the other?
After the break-up was difficult. For one, her dad said he would kill me if I every hurt his daughter, and although he laughed as he said it, he seemed like a man of his word.
Have you forgot?
All we did
All you said?
The late nights where you promised
that you'll be there in the morning
and every morning after
and i believe you....
until I woke up alone.
And then you came back
and put on an act
like you never even left
that shit don't sit right
cause before I felt down
then picked my head up
and just when i forget
you appear to remind me
that every thing is fine
must have been a dream
not surprised by your scheme
Fine, you win
lets pick up where we left off
when you told me it was the end
fuck a lover, I needed a friend
I think back to the car, the last time we held hands
I knew in that moment, things will never end up
as we planned.
You ever see somebody walk past...
but they're in a place that you can't reach without extreme action. Like walking past the coffee shop you're sitting in, or in the car next to you at a red light, or leaving the bar you're walking into. And you wonder what it would be like if courage coursed through your veins for the briefest of moments, just enough so that you're past the point of no return. So you go through with it.
Because, fuck it.
What do you say? What CAN you say?
"Hi." Good start, then what?
"I saw you in the window and was floored by your beauty" or
"your face made me curious" - ok, uh, weird - how about
"I've already planned my future and you're a part of it and let me tell you -- no, let me show you how. Take my hand, follow me and it might not be perfect but I can promise you that we'll be happy, and life will be fun, because how could a love story that begins like this not be given the life to continue until we share the tale with our friends and families? About how I chased you down the street with an empty mind and a full heart, hoping that the latter would compensate for the former, and you would, if only for a second, feel what I felt the moment I laid eyes on you, twenty-five seconds ago."
Yeah, maybe that would work. But we'll never know,
because I stayed in my seat and wrote this instead.
I sit alone in an adirondeck chair, on a warm summers night.
Next to me is an empty chair and I wonder: if i could choose anybody to be sitting here, who it would it be? Would it be the same person that I would want to lay in bed with later tonight?
I wear the pants
you got me
takes them off me.
That's not right,
I feel lost, in a familiar place.
A place I know so well, but
might not know me best.
I wish to be trapped
in a world
Where only you and I exist.
Free, to wander
through the intricacies
of your Mind,
To dive deep
Into everything you once were
Or ever will be.
Life is good..Most stress I have is brought upon myself in the form of, "if this happened I would be fucked" ...
I'm stressing about things that have not and will not happen. So much stress towards the future and the past, oh so silly. What is life if not the moment that I am in right now. What could possibly be more important than RIGHT NOW? Other moments hold weight of their own, but they're not now. I guess you could say I've been waiting my whole life for this exact moment, and then the next, and son on. When does that stop? How about right now. that's nice.
I wonder: what causes people to become friends. It seems to me that people either vibe or they don't. There is some gray area, but I'm talking about my HOMIES. For some, it makes mere minutes to recognize a bond, a plutonic attraction; like we both speak the same spiritual language...
A friend is somebody I feel comfortable in silence with.
A friend is somebody I can share an abstract thought with.
A friend is somebody that I fit into when I hug and always go for the same type of high five. Friends remember things that I'm passionate about and little details of the thoughts I once shared with them.
Friends smile when they see me, they can't help it.
A friend is somebody that I share an unfiltered, genuine laugh with, and I could never be afraid or embarrassed to cry in front of.
Friends know when to say nothing or when to do all the talking.
At the core, A friend is somebody who tries to be a friend
And to have a friend, I gotta be a friend.
I remember exiting my dream at will last night...
I was trying to explain my innocence to an older lady and she wasn't having it and i was just not interested in continuing the conversation...so I just left. I even rolled by eyes as I was entering the "real world".
I'm living swell, breathing better; revolving around the sun just one year at a time. In another world, one more generous than this one, we're all capable of flying. If a different time, on more thoughtful than this one, we sit around the campfire and discuss our origins.
I arrive in Emeryville, California and am looking to catch a connecting bus to San Francisco. As I step off the train I see a couple holding each other like it's the last time; a sad goodbye, I think. minutes later I see them getting into the car; instead, a happy hello. Oh they joy they must be feeling to be back together. One doesn't need to know the story to understand the longing they must have felt for each other.
This past weekend my sister graduated college. She is the second of my sisters to do so, leaving me as the last of my family currently attending college. This is a unique distinction that I cherish. Although the thought of the "real world" seems fun and exciting, I enjoy my current living conditions. Furthermore, I believe my world is very real - thank you very much.
Tonight, there is a party at the soccer house. Humans from every corner of the world will pack into the sweaty basement of 48 Ashford and be just that, humans.
There is no limit to what can happen. Each human enters through the back door with a different agenda, a different idea of how the night will go. But we don't get to choose our path - instead it is written in sweat and hormones on the walls of a dank, musty basement. Just another night of college. Here. We. Go.